I Find It Hard To Forget Or Forgive

[Ady]

Sorry to hear about your experiences. Always worth googling their ids and email addresses, and even names.

For me, I did that. I met Shei playing dominoes in Yahoo (so not a dating site). I found she played a lot with one guy, just at the time we were starting to get serious. To cut a long story short - she terminated her "friendship" with that guy. I know that, because I spoke to the guy using another id (pretending to be Thai - seems he has a love of Asian girls, even schoolgirls). We were not yet bf and gf at that time. Shei also works in an internet cafe (so I was always a bit suspicious about her time spent, seeing as we chat only 1-2 hours a day).

Using her name, I found out quite a lot in google. About her exams passed for one. I also found out she had a Filipina Friend Finder account. In a fit of rage, I cracked her password (naughty naughty, but using a birthdate as a password is not very secure). Also I did that in ICQ. I should not do it - but she lied to me once, and it was definately worth the check.

[Mrs Daddy]

sori to hear your stories.I am upset with that kind of woman as well as other races might think that all filipina`s are the same which is not true! bad bad bad girl Dont worry coz karma will give its judgement one day.just be thankful for what have you got now.evrything happens for a reason!

[kimmi]

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Originally Posted by joroco

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

Congratulations..Another success visa story here..

[Mrs Daddy]

Originally Posted by joroco

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!
Likewise, bought a house, and have been paying the bills ever since, about 3,000 a month, plus another 7,000 to live on. But that is only the theory because every month there has been a problem, the cost of rice has doubled, the cost of fuel has risen by 40%, and so and so on.
I dare say many other foreigners have similar stories. It's not cheap, but the best advice is to avoid girls who continually ask for money right from the start of a relationship. I blocked half a dozen of them on the internet before I met Cristina. Most of us are willing to spend money not just on our partner, but the family too. But we all have different financial circumstances, and the family has to understand that. Too many filipinos see the West as a pot of honey where we are all rich, like the people they see in movies etc. Many fail to appreciate the cost of living in the UK. For example, many rent plots for a few hundred pesos a month and build their own house, while here, my mortgage is over 100,000 pesos a month.

I think as long as you let them know where you stand they will listen and understand.

By the way, I almost forgot to mention, Cristina has her visa at last!! She got a call from the embassy and sent her passport there two weeks ago. They were going to send it back by courier, but last time that happened (with the visa refusal), it took so long it made us late for her appeal. So she flew this week to Manila to collect it along with her CFO stamp (UK acclimatisation course). And she will be here on the 22nd August. So we're both happy as larry right now!

A big Cograts for the Happy couple from Mr and Mrs. Daddy

[benb]

Originally Posted by joroco

In some ways my own story is similar. Met girlfriend on internet, visited a few weeks later, saw how poor her family were, offered financial assistance. Then, after I returned my gf (now wife) asked for 100,000 pesos so papa could buy a multi-cab, and told me it costs 150,000. So I did, but he has been able to work ever since. He later told me he paid 90,000 for it!!

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

[keithAngel]

Originally Posted by benb

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

Perhaps in appreciation of her excellent negotiating skills , the lady saved $60,000 an admirable quality in a spouse

[Tonet]

I dont think its fair to just say that if a woman ask money even before you've met she's up to something. or it a NO NO to send your gf money if you havent met in person yet.

The first time Philip sent me money, he wasn't even my bf yet, and he was supporting me for 1 year before we met in person. Actually if he didnt support me we wont be together because i had to leave my job so we could chat. because if im working in a mall,at 8am, (2am UK) i'll go to work. 8pm i'm home. (1pm UK) He will be working by that time. i would be in bed at maybe 10 pm and he would still be working as its only 3 pm here in UK. he's not off if i'm off coz no off for sales lady during weekends as its busy!!

So sending money is not the only basis for the successful relationship. You open your mind and your eyes, use your brain, trust your instinct. If you feel there'e something wrong dont ignore it. asking for help to survive is different from taking advantage of your money.

I have asked Philip money before but i never took advantage of him by asking to providing any property transportation or anything. just enough for our survival is what i asked.

Now we're happily married and he stopped sending coz its now back to my responsibility.

[maria_and_matt]

maybe its just me but i would never dream of taking any money from a bf, and when i married phil i was very shy to ask for anything.... i think that he noticed that and just started giving me my 'monthly allowance', and offered to help my father who was seriously ill at that time.

but now 9 years on things seem to have changed, i am now more comfortable with him and asking for money to go shopping isnt a big thing anymore.... i think now my husband thinks i am his worse nightmare

[joroco]

Originally Posted by benb

You got married to the girl who lied about the 150k? Did I get it wrong?
why?

Because I only found out just after I married her, but who cares? papa was raising a family of 12 on a small pension before then, and now he is out of retirement and able to provide for his family. And that alone relieves me of some of the burden. So it was money well spent.

[joroco]

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Originally Posted by keithAngel

Perhaps in appreciation of her excellent negotiating skills , the lady saved $60,000 an admirable quality in a spouse

I think you're right Keith. She's negotiated a lot more than another 60k since!!

[benb]

Originally Posted by joroco

Because I only found out just after I married her, but who cares? papa was raising a family of 12 on a small pension before then, and now he is out of retirement and able to provide for his family. And that alone relieves me of some of the burden. So it was money well spent.

Good to hear that it turned out well. If the siblings are old enough and living with the parents, then they should also be working to contribute to the family.

I'm not been harsh, But please do be careful. I assume that you have already talked about this with your wife and have come to an agreement that it won't happen again.

Best Wishes,

[gazlou]

Interesting story.

[keithAngel]

Originally Posted by gazlou

Interesting story.

And a long quote to

[Win2Win]

Originally Posted by keithAngel

And a long quote to

Where?

[pat1227]

You've opened the doors of romance and in my own standpoint, that's a good sign. Somehow, you have already forgiven the people concerned and forgotten the dark side of the story.

When all else fail, don't ever lose faith in you and in the magical world of romance. Our lives are full of reasons to enjoy, to suffer, to fight and to give up. However...there is only one good reason why life is so ever beautiful. It is when you live life by love.

[nomorericepleas]

Originally Posted by keithAngel

Attend what? How many times and from were?

all i get to know is she is asked to attend "hearings" to do with her annulment.
she told me after the last hearing, it just had to pass the judge, so she has hearings on the 7th and 14th or august. ( the judge was apparently out of the country on holiday for the first so what happened?).she tells me also that there will be another hearing on the 11th september.

I do not have any idea what happens in these annulment hearings. just a lot of pointless banter making a 10 minute process last for years. She says there is so much said in the hearings, so she cant tell me what goes on. very vague and she's never been one for explaining things clearly. Basically she can't be bothered i think.

she has to travel from negros to manila and currently has to stay for several weeks in Manila due to the visa application and the 2 hearings a week apart. I gave up asking now whats happening with the anullment, cos i never learn anything.

[nomorericepleas]

Originally Posted by Ady

Sorry to hear about your experiences. Always worth googling their ids and email addresses, and even names.

For me, I did that. I met Shei playing dominoes in Yahoo (so not a dating site). I found she played a lot with one guy, just at the time we were starting to get serious. To cut a long story short - she terminated her "friendship" with that guy. I know that, because I spoke to the guy using another id (pretending to be Thai - seems he has a love of Asian girls, even schoolgirls). We were not yet bf and gf at that time. Shei also works in an internet cafe (so I was always a bit suspicious about her time spent, seeing as we chat only 1-2 hours a day).

Using her name, I found out quite a lot in google. About her exams passed for one. I also found out she had a Filipina Friend Finder account. In a fit of rage, I cracked her password (naughty naughty, but using a birthdate as a password is not very secure). Also I did that in ICQ. I should not do it - but she lied to me once, and it was definately worth the check.

Interesting ideas. i tried to crack her password but she's obviously too crafty to use anything as simple as birthdays and family names. would have been very enlightening to speak to her japanese lover though. Just to know if he even knew i existed. I doubt it. I think she was getting money out of both of us, and getting a lot more from us both by the look of it too.

[keithAngel]

Originally Posted by nomorericepleas

all i get to know is she is asked to attend "hearings" to do with her annulment.
she told me after the last hearing, it just had to pass the judge, so she has hearings on the 7th and 14th or august. ( the judge was apparently out of the country on holiday for the first so what happened?).she tells me also that there will be another hearing on the 11th september.

I do not have any idea what happens in these annulment hearings. just a lot of pointless banter making a 10 minute process last for years. She says there is so much said in the hearings, so she cant tell me what goes on. very vague and she's never been one for explaining things clearly. Basically she can't be bothered i think.

she has to travel from negros to manila and currently has to stay for several weeks in Manila due to the visa application and the 2 hearings a week apart. I gave up asking now whats happening with the anullment, cos i never learn anything.

The reason i asked was I remembered somthing I had read whilst reseaching this subject , perhaps other members who have been through the process can comment?


Q. What are the stages of the trial where my presence in Court is necessary?

GTALAW: Your presence in court is absolutely necessary during pre-trial conference and during the time when you have to give your oral testimony. So it appears that you have to appear in Court at least twice.

Q. It is very difficult for me to leave my work, not to mention that it is also too expensive to come home just to attend the hearing on my Petition. Is there a way for me not to attend the trial?

GTALAW: None. You have to attend the trial. But we can try to schedule your testimony immediately after the pre-trial conference. This will minimize your travel expenses because you only have to come to the Philippines at least once.

http://www.gtalawphil.com/Philippine...nt%20101_6.htm

As i understood it one would only file away from the place of residency if that speeded up the process due to court availability

[flomike]

do you think sometimes its the foreigners fault that's why some filipina is asking too much money bec some foreigners keep on giving thousands of money without a question??? Or when going to Phils, the way of spending is too much (or some are tyring to impress the girl and her family??) Though I don't give all the blame to foreigners of course it takes two to tango. I am not saying I never asked money to my Brit husband when we're still BF/GF back in the Phils but my husband never gave me any money at all till we met in person and we're already engage and not thousands. From the very starts of our relationship my husband is very open about his financial status and his lifestyle here in UK and even ask me if I don't mind working when Im in UK.

For five years here in UK I know how hard my husband work to meet our standard way of living so if I don't work no way my husband can spare a money for my family back home if they need it..since I am working he doesn't mind how much money I want to send as he said I don't need to save money for my self its his obligation to make sure I am okay here

[gazlou]

...since I am working he doesn't mind how much money I want to send as he said I don't need to save money for my self its his obligation to make sure I am ok here



Lucky you.

[nomorericepleas]

as the girl in samar was my gf and then fiancee, i thought it my obligation to see she was ok too there, and her family. i didn't expect her to be cheating behind me with a japanese guy. A guy is stuck between a rock and a hard place, if his fiancee says they need to pay a bill, or they need food and have no work, it takes a hard man to refuse her, and what would it say about his feelings for her to let her struggle for food or essentials?
i don't agree that men try to impress women with money. well maybe some do as they do in the Uk. But men just want to help out in return for honesty and faithfulness, and i got neither. It seems that many filipino try to put the blame for foreigners being cheated, on the shoulders of the foreigner. If people are genuine and honest, they do not take advantage of help from kind people. Thats simple.

[flomike]

Originally Posted by nomorericepleas

It seems that many filipino try to put the blame for foreigners being cheated, on the shoulders of the foreigner. If people are genuine and honest, they do not take advantage of help from kind people. Thats simple.

I don't blame foreigners but as you know Phils is a very poor country and suddenly this generous foreign guy willing to give so much money to a filipina who never had that kind of money in her life that's were the problem started.

I feel sorry on your bad experienced and I know you don't deserve that kind of treatment but helping sometimes (I mean giving too much money) isn't always the best option specially if you're not yet couple, imo

wishing you all the best...

[flomike]

Originally Posted by gazlou

...since I am working he doesn't mind how much money I want to send as he said I don't need to save money for my self its his obligation to make sure I am ok here



Lucky you.

im really lucky to have my husband he doesn't have the money to buy me this and that but the unconditional love he has for me is unbelievable

[misscarie]

flomike

im really lucky to have my husband he doesn't have the money to buy me this and that but the unconditional love he has for me is unbelievable

Very True Flomike Same here.I think the quality of our british love one's is one of a kind

[monkeyface]

Glad you've found a wonderful gf.

I know it's hard to forgive and forget but you will eventually. And oh, I looked up the profile you made on friendster.

[allyn]

hello!!!
i read your story,,,
and i feel sorry in all the trouble and pain that girl cause you...
i also check out the friendster profile of your ex that you post...
and im very sorry to say.....she is not Beautiful nor pretty at all ......
its not im being arogant, actually i have to admit im not pretty either, one of my neighbor ask me how does a handsome foreigner man fell inlove with an ugly girl like me,,,when theres lots of beautiful filipina around, he pick me...
(who care)
but even tho im not good looking im not as bad looking and bad person like your ex....
i really feel mad when i looked at your ex pic
i really dont understand how a woman like her was able to do that in a nice man like you...
well im happy that you found your self a new love...
its probably hard to forgive nor forget,,,,but i hope your find space in your heart someday to forgive her...

[Cheryl Tyndall]

i saw her pic in frienster. She is so UGLY.

Thas really sad. I hope that you'll move on and learned a lesson. But please dont generalise things because not all Filipina are like the girl you met. Money can't buy love and its pretty obvious from the start that she's just using you. Glad u have moved on. Im sure God will always reward you million times on what u give. Goodluck!

I agree to both of you Flomike and Misscarie!!

[USA]

Originally Posted by Cheryl Tyndall

i saw her pic in frienster. She is so UGLY.

Wow thats for sure.